"You're Tellin' Me...You Built a Time Machine...Out of a DeLorean?" "No Marty, I just used a Cell Phone..."

Doc Brown, where are you when we need you? The space-time continuum is at a flux after a mysterious woman showed up in an old film.

The film in question is Charlie Chaplin's "The Circus", which debuted in 1928. Someone out there must really love Charlie Chaplin because they found a few seconds of the film that show a woman, walking through the background, talking on something that really does appear to be a cell phone. Dressed in black, you can see the woman quite clearly in the black and white video.

"Whoa, Doc...this is heavy."

Before you read any further, check out this youtube video; I'll wait here.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8I3O_qa82RA&feature=aso


So, what do you think? While some skeptic bloggers believe her to be hard of hearing, and merely using one of those old-fashioned horns to listen with, I think she's clearly a time traveler. Here's why:

1. When the video slows down, you can clearly see that she is talking. She's by herself, who is she talking to? It's not like crazy people existed in 1928.

2. It's just too damn (perhaps "wicked!" ?) cool to see some old lady talking on a cell phone. I mean, most of them can't even figure out how to use them!

3. Only a time traveler could figure out how to use a cell phone in 1928 when there weren't even cell phone towers. Hell, I'd wager that most homes in the western parts of the United States didn't even have a home phone by 1928, let alone a cell phone.

So what do you all think? Mad skills with a time machine, or just a random coincidence that looks like a cell phone? I know which answer I prefer to be correct.

I just hope she stashed the DeLorean someplace safe...we all remember what happened the last time Marty let Biff have it...check it out:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iwY5o2fsG7Y

Review: Superman: Earth One

It's only fitting that the first "real" blog post for "The Real Smallville" would have something to do with Superman.

On October 27th, 2010, DC Comics released a new, original graphic novel to bookstores everywhere. "Superman: Earth One" is a modern re-telling of the Superman origin. Any origin for Superman is bound to be constrained with a few things that pretty much everyone already knows:

1. Rocketed from a doomed planet to Earth.

2. Raised by a couple of farmers in Kansas.

3. Settles in Metropolis (with red underoos on the outside in tow).

What makes each origin story different are the details. How was the "doomed planet" doomed? Did the kind farmers raise him to adulthood, or did one (or both) die during his teenage years? Why does he wear the red underwear on the outside?  Well, the last question notwithstanding, Superman: Earth One attempts to answer these questions and provide a few new details that have never been seen before.

The graphic novel begins with Clark arriving in Metropolis. All he wants is a normal life. His parents, Jonathan and Martha Kent, want him to embrace his destiny and help save the world. It's something Jonathan never lived to see, having died some time before the start of our story. Embracing his destiny is the last thing on Clark's mind. At the age of 20, Clark is thinking that with his abilities he can do anything: professional sports, applied sciences, work at a great metropolitan newspaper...

When the skies fill up with an alien armada, looking to destroy the last survivor of Krypton, Clark must choose whether to step into the light (iconic costume and everything) or stay in the shadows and let Earth meet its destruction. And this is where they sort of lost me.

I understand that the story needed some huge event to make Clark "grow up." To become Superman and show the world what his underwear looks like. But an alien invasion? How many times have we seen this one? From comic books, to sci-fi films, to classic literature (I'm sure everyone read "War of the Worlds" in school), the idea of an alien invasion is sort of played out. In the mid-80's, when DC essentially rebooted the character, writer John Byrne introduced Superman to the world by having him save an experimental NASA spacecraft. Threatened with crashing, killing all inside (including a young reporter named Lois Lane), Clark Kent leaped through the air above the crowds and caught it. Simple intro. In 2010, writer Geoff Johns was tasked with giving us another version of Superman's origin. His take? Superman saved Lois Lane during a fall. Again, simple but effective. Earlier this decade, we were given yet ANOTHER origin story (Superman: Birthright) which showed Superman revealing himself by...saving Lois Lane.

As I write this, I now see that I should probably applaud writer J. Michael Straczynski for at least having Superman do something other than just saving Lois Lane. But I just can't bring myself to do it. Superman is supposed to amaze everyone the first time he's seen. Usher in a new era. In a story where an alien armada has arrived, the public isn't exactly shocked to then see a flying man. This is where my problem lies.

I also took issue with the state of the Daily Planet newspaper. In this story, the paper is facing hard times due to the internet, a nation-wide financial crisis, and better competitors. While this sounds like a great idea, we already got this in Geoff Johns' "Superman: Secret Origin" earlier this year. So this was nothing new and frankly, a little bit of a bore.

Making up for these shortcomings in plot comes a few things that I feel J. Michael got right. Among these:

1. Clark's relationship with his adopted father, Jonathan. We see, in flashback, different conversations between the two; it shows the bond between father and son. Jonathan's words to a young Clark: "I came up believing that sometimes we all have to serve something bigger than ourselves. We don't want to do it, we'd give anything not to have to do it...but we do it anyway. We square our shoulders and we get it done."

2. The colors of the classic Superman costume now have an explanation. When Clark is uneasy about the coloring, his mother tells him that she tried every dye she could but the Kryptonian fabric just wouldn't change color.

3. When asking his mother if he should wear a mask, Martha states: "They'll need to see your face, so they can see that there's no evil in it...to see the gentleness and decency in you...and know that they have nothing to fear. The mask--the mask is what you'll have to wear the rest of the time." These words haunt Clark for a long time, but (unknown to him) foreshadow how his life will roll out. He can be the hero that everyone adores, but he will always be on the outside looking in.  

4. No Lex Luthor. Luthor does not appear, nor is even mentioned, anywhere in this story. Luthor has become very overexposed in both film and print, and I was ecstatic to see that he wasn't pulling any strings behind the scenes. I'm sure he's in Metropolis somewhere, but he does not show up here. I applaud the writer for this.

5. Jimmy Olsen is all grown up. I'd say, judging by the art, that he is actually older than Clark. A photographer willing to risk his life to get "the truth", as he calls it. I enjoyed this version of Mr. Olsen.

In the last couple of weeks I have seen early reviews for Superman: Earth One pop up on Fox News, The New York Times, and Yahoo! News. Almost all of them have panned the book for presenting a younger Superman who appears "moody" and "emo". They say that this book caters to the "Twilight" crowd. In my opinion, the writer captured the mood of a 20-year old kid pretty well. How many of us can say that we knew what we were doing with our lives at that age? Who among us had everything all figured out, fit in everywhere they went, and had no problems making friends? At 20 years old I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. I thought the writer captured this very well and it's an original take on the character that we haven't seen for quite some time.

Was Superman: Earth One perfect? Nope. Not even close. The horrid alien invasion plot, a generic villian, and a too-short page count bring it down a little bit. The parts that J. Michael Straczynski got right, however, were exciting and fresh and if the rumors are true that the next Superman film (due in 2012) is going to follow a young Clark on his journey to becoming Superman then I would hope that they "borrow" a few ideas from this tale.

Just please...no alien invasions. Gotta save a little somethin' for the sequel, after all.

I give "Superman: Earth One" 7 pairs of red underoos out of a possible 10.

The Real Smallville is now Live!

Television, film, comic books, and novels have all, at one time or another, depicted a small town in Kansas. Where a certain superhero in blue tights (and his red undies on the outside) grew up. This town was called "Smallville."

Superman has nothing on where I grew up.

For anyone who's ever stepped foot into Odessa, Washington, you probably learned at least 1 of the following things:

1. There's NOTHING here.

2. The townsfolk will (mostly) smile to your face while they crap on your front step behind your back.

3. The grocery store has found a legal way to rob you of your (sometimes) hard-earned money.

4. There's NOTHING here. (Did I mention that already?)


This is the REAL Smallville. Original, accept-no-substitutes. This blog will by my thoughts on anything and everything that interests me. From the NFL to Regal Cinemas. From Blu Ray and DVD to Classic and Current Literature. This will be my outlet for strange, the weird, and (sometimes) scary thoughts that are rumbling around in my head.

Are you ready to take the journey to the REAL Smallville? It's not so bad. I live here everyday.